Why I Left, I Chose Me.

There’s a feeling that I get sometimes where my insides feel like they turn really dark and I just sit there in that feeling until it passes. I don’t like that feeling and I choose not to live in that feeling no matter what happens to me. For most other people, this feeling is called “HATE”.

I love to love.

I love to be happy.

I love to be positive. 

Unfortunately, some people let their curiosity and evil hearts get the best of them. It’s understandable though because most people can’t connect their emotion to your own if they did not go through what you went through. I say all that to say a few things…

Let’s set the record straight about my break up.

If you ask me who caused the break up, I would say him. My friends and family know this to be true. Unfortunately, some people are in a state of covering up their tracks. They are smooth talkers, weasels, master manipulators and so on and so forth. This means that they say whatever they need to say to clear their own names.

This morning someone sent me a snapchat and said, “We heard you cheated on J******.”

First of all, BLOCK!!!!! Secondly, who is “we”? Thirdly, I am not a cheater, never have been and never will be. Nobody cheated on anybody (as far as I know).

During the week of my quick relocation, I had multiple people bring up the below things that made me cringe:

  • The fact that I wasn’t wearing my engagement ring
  • I had been in Los Angeles way too long
  • I needed to work out my problems with @********** (yes they mentioned him in the comment)

I even had a girl tell me she wouldn’t support my business anymore if I didn’t get my act together and return to my “husband”. BITCH!!!!!!!

My story will only be told to people who care to listen and apply it. Everyone else is just processing it and determining their own opinion of me. My relationship of course had great times but it also had the worst times of my life. Nothing is perfect and as long as we try we can get a gold star after it’s all over.

I dealt with a lot of stuff during that relationship.

I had to deal with verbal abuse (including false accusations, demeaning comments, false support, manipulation, etc) from someone who was very angry with his own life AND I had to deal with this from his immediate family, too!

Among many other issues, I had to often figure out how to deal with his

  • aggression
  • insecurity
  • immaturity
  • trust issues
  • controlling ways
  • jealousy (not only with men but with friends and family)

I had no room to focus on myself because his career “brought in the most money“.

Anyone who was from my side of the bargain was basically under a microscope until they said and did everything that pleased him. Otherwise, they weren’t liked or invited to be in his presence. This included my mother, sister, multiple friends and some other family members.

I spent a lot of time in denial and just in a state of hoping things would get better, however, it all got worse. Sadly, verbal and emotional abuse turned into physical abuse. I left the very next day with anything I could take. Everything else stayed.

Physical abuse is never okay. DO NOT STAY AND THINK IT WILL GET BETTER. IT WON’T!!!!!

I had to mask every emotion I could in order to walk away like I did. I don’t want to be pitied, I don’t want to look weak, I don’t want to look fragile. I walked away and I never looked back because it’s simple… I love me more than him. I needed to protect myself. 

Many women are looked down upon when they finally stand up for themselves after abuse (Evelyn Lozada, Karrueche and a plethora of women we do and don’t know). I had people telling me I could work through it, it was a small issue, we can move past anything, etc… NO. It only took one time for me.

I hope there’s a girl out there reading this who will finally walk away after reading this. It’s not worth it. God is love. Love is not hate. THE BELOW PASSAGE IS TRUE. God loves you. Humans can’t love you like He can. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8New International Version (NIV)
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

I pray for healing for all.

Love,

Chriss

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84 Comments

  1. I am so very sorry that you had to go through this. My God. Breakups suck. They really do. But I’m glad that you had the sense and the strength to leave.
    Very sad that you had to deal with this, or even had to address this publicly. You seem like such a genuinely nice person.
    Wishing you all the best.

    Like

  2. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. I went through this several years ago and unlike you I felt isolated and trapped from my family and friends so I stayed longer than I should have. I’m glad to see that you’re building your brand again and enjoying life. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that so many of us see you in such a positive light and love and support you through it all.
    Lots of love from Phoenix
    Xoxo.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wishing you all the best, best thank God you got out of there when you did. Things could’ve possibly been much worse. I know God will restore happiness back into your life soon if He hasn’t already. I’m so happy you’re doing better.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. God bless you and your transparency. Someone somewhere needed to hear your story and know that they too can walk away. This really made me proud of the resilience of women who know WHO and WHOSE they are! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m so glad you spoke up and left. Looking at pictures I believe you had the perfect life. Which seems naive even as I am writing this; we never know what a person is truly going through. Just you leaving as shown that you value yourself more than anything else. I applaud you for your strength through it all. All in all God is the definition of unconditional LOVE nothing or no one compares. Stay blessed Chris! And keep smiling God got you!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m sorry you went through that smh… I have been a fan of yours for years and the way you’re so positive and happy I never would’ve thought you were going through this. I too was in an abusive relationship but mines was emotional. Some people can really put on a front but eventually their true colors will definitely show. You did what you needed to do for you and your happiness comes first always. Stay you❤.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m so sorry that you had to endure such pain at that time, its true what they say you never know what someone is going through. As followers all we see is the outside or what you choose to post. I definitely commend you on speaking out and speaking your truth! I applaud you for that! God bless you on much success and continued healing!- Quisha

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m proud of you for being an example to young women around the world. Our society tends to believe in this ” ride or die ” mentality & how women should hold down their man regardless. They think that shows strength when in reality the real strengh is having the courage to remove yourself from a toxic situation & starting all over again. The courage to choose yourself & love yourself because you know you deserve better. You were right to leave because you knew that that wasn’t love & im so proud of you girl ! You’re so beautiful & one day a man will adorn tf outta you & treasure you forever ……

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I have been following you for a long time. And you would have never figured what was going on behind the scenes. I went through a similar relationship with me children’s father. The relationship was not only verbal and emotional but it was physical also. I spent 3 years hiding bruises and scratch marks. I went from a vibrant 23 year to severely depressed and thinking my life was worthless. I was so manipulated and brainwashed. There I was with 3 small children and afraid to leave because he had me convinced that no one wants a girl with three kids and that I would be a failure if I broke up my family. I spent most of my days walking on pins and needles not trying not to spark him off because i felt like he was going to kill me. It wasn’t until one day he was choking me and I kept thinking this is the day im going to die. After that altercation I said enough is enough. I left and never looked back. I appluad you for being strong and leaving before it became worse. Most women don’t think they are strong enough to do but the strength is there and you are a perfect example. I hope your story and all the women’s stories on here raise awareness to domestic abuse. And while I usually don’t share my past, this post spoke to me and I really do appreciate it because it reminds of what I went through and how far I have come from that point in my life. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I am saddened to hear that all this happened to you. I don’t know you personally but you are really positive and motivational on social media; therefore I feel like I can tell you this. What you went through is so unbelievably horrible and I’m sure you are surprised that it even happened to you. But our experiences build our character and God gives all of us challenges that HE KNOWS we can fight and overcome. And you, my dear, have overcome so you WIN. And God loves that about us. Resilience. And he rewards us for it; just as you will be rewarded. I think it’s important for womyn to know their limits and boundaries in any type relationships. We love hard and we invest so much, so we ignore and mute our intuition. Now you know NOT to mute your God given power; because it can save your life. I am also so sorry you terminated your pregnancy. This is a time to be close to your family and those who know you best so that you can heal. I pray for you and I’ll pray for him and that he may never spread his hate to another womyn. Thanks for sharing. You are so strong for sharing it your story. People will shame you for it. Fuck that. Bless you Babygirl. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Because of my experience I could tell he wasn’t right. There was something in his eyes. I can look in a mans eyes and tell. Abusive men all have the same look and same patterns. I pray he gets it together and become a better person Because he also has a beautiful child watching him. I’m so proud of you because a lot of women stay and they think it’s because of love but it’s really fear. You are very strong and I wish you every happiness. God Bless!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. It takes a strong woman to walk away, I came from an abusive relationship, went through hell and finally 9 years later I broke free…have never looked back, and will never settle for anything less than what I deserve. You are a beautiful woman, keep your head high, God has your back. You will continue to be great… without him. Pray for him, he needs help. And as soon as I have my baby I am getting in some shape and gonna shop your store beautiful clothing. Always remember those that mind don’t matter, those that matter don’t mind…

    Liked by 1 person

  13. You are extremely brave, thank you for choosing to open up and tell your story when you did not have to. I pray this post reaches women who are afraid to leave. God bless❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Hey Chriss,

    I took an IG break & was checking on you via a ghost account;) and came across this. I’m so sorry you had to go through this & I’m so glad you did what was best for you, and that you are telling your story. We need all the stories, from all our women. Sending you all the love, take care of you💚.

    xok

    Liked by 1 person

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